Supreme Court Rules “National Unborn Persons with Disabilities Act” Constitutional in a 5-4 Decision
Today the Supreme Court ruled against the Obama Administration and declared that the Unborn Persons with Disabilities Act, passed by both houses of Congress over President Obama’s veto, is now the law of the land. The controversial law declares that an unfertilized human egg cell is simply a person with a disability, and is guaranteed the same rights and protections as any other person under the constitution. America’s pro-life groups and religious leaders praised the decision.
The lame duck president, less than a month from the end of his second term, gave a press conference where he announced the administration’s hands were now tied, and that he was instructing all relevant federal agencies to immediately begin implementing the various provisions of the law. All forms of birth control and abortion are now illegal under federal law, and even providing information about birth control or family planning is now retroactively a federal crime. Planned Parenthood and other similar now banned groups have 72 hours to both disband, and turn all their records over to the newly created “Protection of the Rights of the Unborn Agency.”
World leaders were mixed in their response to the decision. Most were very guarded in their remarks, no doubt in part because the incoming Gingrich/Palin Administration has threatened to use “all available options” against any country they deem a “hostile nation.” In contrast, the Pope, and the leaders of the Gulf States, Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Talibanistan (formerly Afghanistan,) were effusive in their praise of the decision.
The most controversial aspect of the act, the womb monitoring provision, will be implemented on a state by state basis. This is the provision where the state will monitor the conditions in all fertile wombs to make sure no egg is endangered by birth control, drug use, or other egg life endangering activity. And to make sure that all pregnancies are reported to authorities in a timely fashion so that further protections for the unborn person can be implemented. Numerous states have already announced that womb monitors will be surgically implanted in all females of child bearing age. California’s governor Baldwin was one of the few to opt for the less intrusive monthly blood tests and random home health and welfare spot checks, however the act’s sponsors have already announced they will amend the act to make surgically installed womb monitors mandatory under federal law for all women over age ten.
Some small groups vowed to fight implementation of the act, foremost among them being the banned terrorist group Occupy Wall Street, but with thousands of the country’s leftist activist leaders already in Guantanamo II on Diego Garcia, little actual opposition is expected. Violence has been reported at numerous abortion clinics and planned parenthood centres around the country as crowds of pro-lifers stormed them to prevent the destruction of any records they might be holding that could be used to identify pregnant women, as well as records that might implicate people for illegally providing birth control or abortion services. Local authorities have reportedly done little to prevent these acts, and in some states reportedly had joined the pro-life crowds in their actions.
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Could never happen, right? I’m not sure, the GOP has thrown caution to the wind and is proposing laws all over the country that are very much along these lines. Redefining rape victims as “accusers.” Forcing women to have a medical device shoved into their vaginas for a completely unnecessary medical procedure as a condition for getting an abortion. An all male Congressional hearing to discuss access to female contraception. Efforts to destroy Planned Parenthood, among other cuts to funding for services for poor women and children. Attacks on the Girl Scouts! This has been going on for years, but recently it’s ratcheted up to whole new level of offensive and dangerous.
On the plus side, it’s reached such ridiculous extremes that people are starting to notice. The intrusive ultrasound bill was withdrawn because the outcry against it was so loud. These people, and we’re talking Evangelicals, won’t stop though. By catering to the Evangelicals to get votes, the Republicans have created a monster, a huge political force determined to roll back a century of progress and get women back into the homes raising children where they belong. I don’t know how this is going to end up, but I don’t want to live in The Handmaid’s Tale world, so I am going to speak out against this trend. If Evangelicals want to live in such a world, they are free to do so, but they have no business trying to force it on the rest of us. And if the mere sight of say a gay couple holding hands on the streets offends them, there is a solution: Avert your gaze.
(The above image is claimed as Fair Use under US copyright law. Frankly I’m not quite sure whose side Obama is really on, but for the purposes of this post I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. So coming soon, fun posts about abortion, birth control, and the whole Evangelical war on women.)
Doug's Darkworld 
… Good try Doug, the problem is the Supreme Court announces the cases it”ll hear– and since I didnt hear any screaming (Supreme Court isnt hearing anything now, I think) figured you were just pulling legs… Again! There are actually a number of Countries where abortion is illegal (uh ALL of Central and South America come to mind for starters) and there isnt any arguing about when a zygote should be issued a social security number.
Steve
February 23, 2012 at 4:21 pm
Its all clear to me now… they must be planning to start taxing the little buggers ‘in-utero’
They simply must raise more revenue to hand over to the banksters.
Its never too early to screw the public!
John Galt
February 23, 2012 at 5:56 pm
“Redefining rape victims as “accusers.””
Great bit of parody here Doug … the only part I really take issue with is the quoted line above. By the principles of the judicial system, until a verdict of guilty is handed down in a court of law, “accuser” is precisely the correct term. Just as a “victim of theft” is only an accuser until a guilty verdict on theft has been handed down, the same applies to a “victim of rape.” Legally, no one is a “victim” until after a court of law has determined that a crime has truly been committed … and that happens only after a guilty verdict. Until that verdict, ALL “victims” are, legally speaking, only “accusers” and not actually victims.
While I understand that rape has more emotional baggage than theft or other crimes, that’s no reason to jettison a long-standing, important principle of justice … that “the accused” is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Until then, there is no victim and no criminal … only an accuser and an accused.
elron steele
February 24, 2012 at 5:23 am
Gee, looks like some people don’t find the idea of Evangelicals ruining- I mean running this country very threatening. A very sobering PROJECTION (an estimate of future possibilities based on a current trend) Doug.
Sorry Elron, your use of the word PARODY is incorrect.
Lee A Whittaker
February 24, 2012 at 6:54 am
I agree Lee … Doug’s parody is a very accurate projection of current trends taken to the extreme. But that’s exactly what parody is … the best parody is indistinguishable from fact. THAT’S what makes it great parody … that it uses clear and direct extension of existing trends to show the absurdity of a particular position. And I think what Doug has done here qualifies in spades. His projection is clearly and directly based on the facts of today, and yet it shows the absurd ends such policy is likely to produce.
I personally think the word parody is very apt here … because this starts off with the current, REAL positions in play, and then extends them to their logical, and wholly absurd, end position. That’s exactly what great parody does.
elron steele
February 24, 2012 at 7:15 am