Modesto Teacher Leaves Wife and Kids to Live With 18 Year Old Former Student, Mom Calls for Scrapping the Constitution to Make Their Relationship Illegal
The title pretty much sums up the salient facts in this case. A 41 year old teacher left his wife and kids to start a new life with an 18 year old. There are a number of things going on here, so I thought I’d deconstruct this case in my usual inimitable style. Or what passes for inimitable I suppose. I’m not even really sure what inimitable means. I suppose I could look it up, but maybe some gentle reader will tell me. Like the famous English author who was seen writing a letter and then tossing it out his window on the sidewalk. His friend said “What in the name of God did you do that for?” And the author said “Someone always sees it laying on the sidewalk and carries it to the mailbox on the corner.” Those were gentler times I am assuming.
OK, back on point. Guys dump their families all the time for younger women. Women no doubt sometimes dump their husbands for younger men. This is life, what’s the big deal? Yeah, he’s her former High School teacher, but still, this isn’t exactly a crime. Nor is it all that unusual, I knew an 18 year old who was sleeping with her former High School soccer coach. I suspect, though I can’t be sure, it’s because her mom went ballistic upon hearing the news, and did everything she could to get media attention to the situation. She even went so far as to get her state assembly representative to propose a law making their relationship a crime. Well, his part in it as yet, not sure if she wanted her daughter jailed. Mom and the representative both missed an important point in this little imbroglio … both parties are consenting adults in the eyes of the law. end of story in any legal sense, and a state assembly committee wisely killed the law before it got anywhere, due to the fact that it was so unconstitutional that it was practically glowing. Imagine though, a mom so unhappy with her adult daughter’s boyfriend that she wants him to be jailed for having an affair with her! That’s gonna be some wedding.
One observation is that this is another example of the National Enquirization and Evangelization of the news. These aren’t celebrities, and this relationship has zero impact on the average person. That’s not news by any definition I am aware of, but it is treated seriously as such by many. It simultaneously titillates and offends people, so it gets great ratings. If it appeals to people’s baser instincts, it’s news, run with it! And Evangelization because if this didn’t push Evangelicals moral judgment button, they wouldn’t care. Decades of preaching that Evangelicals can define morality for everyone has seeped into the country’s pores, and now many Americans will rush to judgment about a couple they will never meet and know essentially nothing about.
I should also point out that if the former student was anything but a cute Caucasian blonde, this wouldn’t have made the “news.” Do I have an opinion about their relationship? Yes. I hope they live happily ever after.
(The above image is claimed as Fair Use under US copyright law. It’s use here in no conceivable way, expect maybe some sci-fi butterfly effect aspect, interferes with the copyright holder’s commercial use of the image. Credit and copyright: Modesto Bee – Debbie Noda/dnoda@modbee.com. And I am sorry about not posting recently, but in my personal life, the solid human waste matter has intercepted the rotating turbine blades. Sigh.)
Doug's Darkworld 
This isn’t illegal, nor should it be, but it is serious professional misconduct.
Chris Hunt
April 25, 2012 at 11:26 am
Ehh, he’ll just find an upgrade again later on lol…Well, 9 year olds are having kids in other countries, this is nothin.
Pyrodin
April 25, 2012 at 12:31 pm
well here too but…
Pyrodin
April 25, 2012 at 12:33 pm
I agree with Chris that while it isn’t and shouldn’t be illegal, it is serious professional misconduct. The role of teacher or professor has boundaries, not that these must necessarily remain rigid at ALL times, BUT…the boundaries exist for a reason. Namely, the age difference and disparate level of life experience between the two. I’m speaking as a female who did date men much older than me while I was, hindsight has now proven, too young and emotionally immature to handle (regardless of claims to the contrary made by the men at the time). Can it work out? Sometimes, yes, but I’d argue too often it’s a matter of seeking out an older male role model of sorts, whethe intentional or not, on the part of the young women. Because they are legally adults means little; an 18-year-old can’t help but live in a wholly separate world from people 20+ years older. The generation gap is tremendous today thanks to how technologies have shaped life as we now know it. My primary concern is that in these cases the young people wind up being used by their elders as “toys,” playmates, props to help their elders to feel younger and more alive for a spell, until one or both bore of the situation. People might be free to do this, but it seems unfair to treat our youths in this fashion, especially when the older person is in the role of educator and is there to help the youth to grow and learn, not to be sexualized or taken advantage of.
But each situation is probably unique and has to be judged on its own circumstances and based on the people involved. So I don’t know. Strikes me as sad though, newsworthy or not.
wakemenow
April 25, 2012 at 1:06 pm
I watched these two on a Dr. Phil show a while back. The age thing does not bother me, but the background that he was her teacher from 14years old to seventeen years old. Severe professional misconduct here. However there is a silver lining, they are not together anymore, seems that smart little girl wised up and realized if he would leave his wife and young children, she would be a trade in someday too. As for the whole illegal thing, if they are over 18, they are consenting adults, just the way it is.
bigred71
April 25, 2012 at 2:00 pm
I think they’re back together again. (That I even know that is disturbing.) Pretty safe bet his teaching career is over, and professional misconduct is somethign I wouldn’t argue with. In a general case I think the “half your age plus seven” is a good rule of thumb for a serious relationship. This situation clearly fails that test. Relationships outside that range rapidly trend towards blatantly expoloitive and/or some serious maturity issues on the part of the older partner. Not always though, and I just don’t know and don’t care to know in this case. Interesting comments.
unitedcats
April 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm
Looks like he did half his age, minus 7 ! He must not be a math teacher (we hope)
John Galt
April 26, 2012 at 4:13 pm
I saw this couple on Dr. Phil too and it was pretty obvious the daughter was ‘sticking it to mom’. The teacher seemed creepy at best but in his defense he’s in a pretty difficult situation (of his own making) that could make the best of us come across as jerks. As the sometime step-parent of an 8 year old I find that the quickest way to make some sort of bad behaviour go away is to explain my objections to it in a non-emotional manner (listen to their thoughts) and then say something along the lines of ‘but if it floats your boat, go for it’. Takes the wind out of their mis-behavin’ sails and at the same time re-inforces that I care. Or you could go the other route, as the woman Doug remembers, and make a federal case out of it. Lol
0penb00k
April 27, 2012 at 8:19 am
Doug, thanks for the blog. This is some of the most sensible stuff I’ve read in a long time. Love your work.
funkmother
May 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm
Reblogged this on tarahday.
tarahday5167
June 27, 2012 at 7:19 pm
[…] Reblogged from Doug’s Darkworld: […]
Modesto Teacher Leaves Wife and Kids to Live With 18 Year Old Former Student, Mom Calls for Scrapping the Constitution to Make Their Relationship Illegal « tarahday
June 27, 2012 at 7:20 pm